That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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