whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
