So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize