We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
