All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
