I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is my gift to your gina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
