its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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