I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
