Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
