We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
