she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize