Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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