We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
