I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
