I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
