the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
