She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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