his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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