Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
