So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
