can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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