What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize