i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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