so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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