Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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