There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
