OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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