Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
