My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize