I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
