respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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