did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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