I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
