I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
