Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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