If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
