i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
