Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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