I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
