my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
