obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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