3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
