DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
