could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
