Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
