i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
