oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize