its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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