Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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