I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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