It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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