I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize