Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
