I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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