well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
