Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
