well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
