I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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