At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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