i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
