but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
