He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
